SEX IN A RELATIONSHIP: A BUILDING OR DESTRUCTIVE BLOCK - By David Ihidero (PART 1)

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Good evening church, today we will be talking about sex. Sex is a natural need, it is Holy, and it was created by God for our enjoyment. Sex is not a sin, its not a condemnation, it is a perfect gift from God. Bible says in James 1: 17 “All good and perfect gift comes from God”, so sex is good and perfect because it is from God. But there are guidelines and instructions about enjoying this perfect gift from God.

Sex outside marriage is sinful and it is called fornication. The Bible has 53 verses on fornication. Of all sins, fornication (pre-marital sex) is the only sin we sin against our body.

 1^st Corithians 6:18 says “Flee fornication every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body”.

The Bible clearly forbids sex outside marriage.

 Galatians 5:19-21 says “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, drunkenness, reveling, and such like of the which I tell you before as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such shall not inherit the kingdom of God”.

 Let me quickly make something clear here, Fornication and adultery are the same thing. The only difference is the position of the people involved in both sexual immoralities.
         Fornication is pre-marital sex, while adultery is sex outside marriage. They are both sexual immorality. Now, when I say sex here, I don’t mean just the intercourse, sex is not an isolated event, the smooching, fore-play, romance, necking, sucking, kissing are all sex. So it disturbs me when a lady claims to be a virgin by the standard of having her hymen intact but she is involved in masturbation, smooching, romance and all kind of fore plays. Listen, sex starts from the mind. The real sex organ is not the penis or the vagina, it is the MIND. So when you masturbate or getting involved in every kind of sexual act, you have already committed a sin. Of course you know it is impossible to masturbate without the aid of sexual thoughts. Having said all these, and all facts being established, we can now discuss the matter of today.

 IS SEX IN RELATIONSHIP: A BUILDING BLOCK OR A DESTRUCTIVE BLOCK?

Sex is the real joining together, it is from God. Sexual activities in a relationship affects real intimacy.
 1^st Thessalonians chapter 4:3 “For this is the will of God even your sanctification that you should abstain from fornication, everyone of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour”. Fornication will hinder you from enjoying the real purpose of sex. God is not saying that sex is evil, God is for you, he is never against you, the only person that loves you thoroughly and truly is God. If he says you should abstain from fornication in your relationship, he’s saying it so that you can enjoy the sincere benefit of sex. There is nothing written in the Bible to benefit God, the Bible is the manual for life and it is written for our good. If the creator of sex says you shouldn’t have it outside marriage, he has a purpose for that.

Sex is for your enjoyment, but it is to be enjoyed only within the covenant of marriage. Sex weaken/ kills a relationship outside marriage, it doesn’t solidify it.

 1^st Corithians 6:19 says “What? Knew ye not that your body is the temple of the holy spirit which is in you, and ye are not your own”.

It is clearly stated here that you don’t own your body, it is of the Holy Ghost. I beg you brothers and sisters, sexual immorality is like a sugar-coated poison, you enjoy the first few sugar-coated parts, but the inside is poisonous. You must never encourage sex in your relationship if you aren’t married to the person.

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WHY SHOULD I STAY AWAY FROM SEX IN MY RELATIONSHIP

AS A SINGLE PERSON

 Ø  Sexual immorality can cut off God’s glory from your life. Every other sin a man commiteth is outside the body but he who commiteth fornication sinneth against his body. Fornication is a highway to kill a star. Samson’s destiny got truncated on the lap of Delilah. Trust me, your glorious future is better than few minute enjoyment. Fornication is a sin that has great consequences.

Ø  Sexual activities in a relationship prevent judgements. Many single people have not been able to make a right decision in marriage because of fornication. Anytime you sleep with someone outside marriage, you can’t make a meaningful decision about that person. When you commit fornication, you are joined with the person. Sex is like cement mixed with stone to solidify a foundation. It is meant to be done only within the covenant of marriage, anything outside this will destroy you. In God’s eye, the real joining between a man and a woman is the sex. So when you start fornicating, you are destroying that cement, how many people will you ‘cement’ with before you get married? Cement that has been used can’t serve its purpose again. Please, be careful.

“If you love me, show it and have sex with me” Honey, if a guy tells you this, ask the guy, Harlots sleep with people on daily basis and they are not in love with them? Men go to clubs to pick girls and have sex with them, are they in love? Sex and love to a man are two different things. If he can’t wait for you till the night of your wedding, he doesn’t deserve you. True love can wait. If he loves you, he will wait for you and respect your opinion. God’s words supersedes human thought/ opinion.

The more you have sex outside marriage, the emptier you become. Please note ‘the next time you open your leg, you are opening your soul’.

Listen, real intimacy cannot come from sex, it comes from honesty, sincerity, openness, purpose and truth, sex doesn’t bring real intimacy, it destroys the relationship. Sex is an undue influence in a relationship.

Ladies listen, the day you allow him sleep with you, you are almost a completed project. The moment sex is introduced, its going to be difficult for intimacy to grow.

Check the story of Amnon and Tamar, he was on fire for her, but the moment he slept with her, he hated her so much afterwards that he couldn’t even touch her, he had to tell his guard to push her not. “2 Samuel chapter 13”.

The body is like a beast, it can’t be born-again, the moment you train it to eat something, it continues in it.

 Ø  Sex affects trust in a relationship. You will hardly see a couple that married as a virgin that have trust issues. A lot of adultery that happens in marriages are linked to ‘EX’, this happens because of the sexual practices that have happened before, while they were together. Their souls has been joined. It is called soul tie.

Ø  When you start fornicating or having sex before marriage, it is a pointer to a weak character. They might never change. Marriage don’t change people. If he/she is pressurizing you for sex before marriage, he/ she will cheat even in marriage. It is called “Character Flaw”. Allow intimacy to grow not sexual attraction.

Ø  Lastly if you continue in fornication, all the unwanted (Diseases, Babies) may come in, so be careful, don’t displease God to please any man/woman. If he can wait till marriage, he/she doesn’t deserve you.

 SOME LIES YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND TELLS YOU

Ø  EXPERIENCE: You will be told that you need the experience so you won’t be a first-timer when you get married. It’s a lie of the devil. The real experience you need is the one you have with your spouse. The immoral experience doesn’t count when you are married.

Ø  COMPATIBILITY: ‘If we don’t commit fornication, how do we know we are sexually compatible?” Listen Ladies/Gentlemen, you don’t need to fornicate to know if you are compatible. Real sexual compatibility develops gradually and comes with love. If you are spiritually compatible, you will be sexually compatible. You don’t need to fornicate to determine compatibility.

Ø  “If you are a virgin, you are a small girl/boy” It’s a big lie, it’s more cool to be a virgin, to live a pure and Holy life. What is the hurry for? If he truly loves you, he will allow you to keep your virginity till your wedding night. Ladies, I beg you in the name of Jesus Christ, don’t be deceived, keep your body in chastity, If he loves you, he will wait for you.

Fornication will reduce a man to a piece of Bread. It’s better to be a small girl/boy in purity than a big girl/boy in sin”

Ø  Lastly, If the guy/ lady you are in a relationship with is telling you times have changed, we are in modern age, kindly tell him/her that time hasn’t changed, STI and STD’s have not changed and the word/standard of God can’t change.

Sexual immorality is a star extinguisher, develop your spiritual life, pray with whoever you are in a relationship with, commit your ways to God, draw strength from God, and stand on God’s word.

For the sake of this teaching, let me quickly tell you this, This is not a message of condemnation, God never condemns anyone, Yes, you can feel bad and change your ways but he will never condemn you. People can condemn you, Devil will condemn you but God will never condemn you.

God’s status is “God is love”, He loves you, he has paid a high price for you, he wants you, he said “come unto me all ye that are burdened and heavy ladened, I will give you rest”. He loves you, just give him a chance in your life and enjoy a life of total victory. Live a sexual pervert free life. God bless you.

On a parting note: This is wisdom, If you aren’t ready to get married, don’t go into a relationship” Don’t tempt the Devil.

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