FINDING A SUITABLE SPOUSE - Part 1 OSEGHALE ROSEMARY (MRS)

Topic Delivered on 17th June 2015

Flyer of the Day

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Proverbs 19:14

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 peter 3:9

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ... 1 Corinthians 13:1 -13

                        WHY DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

This should be the major question anyone who wants to get married should ask his/her self and should be critically and genuinely answered. This will determine your preparations and goals. Biblically, marriage is for these purposes:

1.  Companionship

2.  Raising children in the way of the lord

3.  To avoid fornication

If these are you reasons, then God should be present in all your plans, he will now guild you in all your steps.                                                                     



WAYS TO CHOSE THE RIGHT SPOUSE

1.Potential partner with same interests selecting someone who shares a lot of common interests with you will work in your favour. Remember that all your interests don't really have to be the same, but some would do. "When you decide to spend your life with someone, you must look at things that the two of you would love to do together. For example, if you are a movie buff, you would ideally like to be with someone who enjoys movies as well. This will make your life interesting."

2. Consider your partner's intellect if you are a laid-back person and your partner is an over-achiever that could lead to a threat in your marriage. You must see eye to eye on how both of you are able to think and process things.


3. it’s okay to have standards while choosing a life partner, you need to consider your and your family's standards. Though it's okay to choose someone who probably does not belong to the same strata of society as yours, make sure that he/she's not completely off the mark.

4. You should have respect for one another you obviously cannot spend your life with someone who has no respect for you or your dreams/goals or your personality. So, choose someone who will acknowledge you for the rest of your life.

5. Is your potential trustworthy In this day and age, it is extremely important to choose someone you can trust? You definitely cannot lead a happy marriage if you cannot trust each other nor have faith.

6. Spend time together Just as important as it is to have similar interests, it is also crucial to be with someone who gives you enough time and who you would love to spend time with.

 


YOUTHS & ADULTS at the YOUCAT

7. Loving Attitude. This is the most basic characteristic that every believer should posses (Jn 13:35; Gal 5:22; 1 Jn 3:11-20). Don’t marry a complainer! The wisdom of Proverbs warns us that being married to an irritable and contentious person can be torture (Provb 19:13; 21:9-19). Examine your relationship and see how you get along.

 

1.    Are you always backbiting?

2.    Do you feel verbally or emotionally abused?

8. Self-Control. Does the potential mate show restraint when angered? Is he or she addicted to alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, sports, or impulse buying?  (Provb 23:20-21; 25:28; Gal 5:22-23; Eph 5:15-18).

 9. Honestly. The writer of Proverbs said that “an honest answer is like a kiss on the lips” (Provbs 24:26) If a person truly loves you, he or she will show that affection with honest words.

 10. Beauty below the Skin.

 The looks for attractive inner qualities in a man and woman; should we do any less? (1 Sam 16:7; Provb 11:22; 31:13; 1 Pet 3:2-5). Beauty is only skin-deep, but character goes right to the bone. You should find your mate to be physically attractive to you, but that’s not as important as inner attraction.

11. Responsibility. Don’t marry a selfish, lazy person who lacks the desire or the means to fulfill certain responsibilities.                                           

12. Good Relationship with Parents.

  How a person relates to his parents will tell you a lot about his character. God places great value on showing respect and honour for parents (Eph 6:1-3).

Some people may expect perfection while others don’t expect enough. The problem with any kind of list (like the one above) is that we can make impossible demands on another person. Certainly the basic spiritual and character qualities should be there, but we cannot expect a person to be perfect.

                     Challenges / Problems in finding the suitable spouse

People at the YOUCAT program

Many youth do make mistake in dating and marriage and some of their mistakes are tragic. Very often, however, such mistakes are not the result of not find the right person but result from other causes. 
1.     Not Being the Right Person

 Teens and young adults routinely make the mistake of looking for and praying for the right person to come along while giving little or no attention to being the right person. The young person who is not surrendered to God, who is not obeying the parts of God’s will that have been revealed.  Instead of praying and working to become a young man or woman who is ready to make lifetime commitment before God, many frantically look for mate in every date – and so set them up for disappointment.

   2.     Looking for the Wrong Person

Similarly, some young men and women look for “the right one” without realizing they’re actually for the wrong one. They paint pictures in their minds of what “the right one” will be like. The list often starts with stunning physical beauty, self-confident charm, and impeccable manners, and may also include spiritual and social characteristics.

3.     Having the Wrong Motives

Mistakes in dating and marriages are often the result of unwise even ungodly motives. Even Christian teens and young adults often seek a mate for the wrong reasons.

·         Pressure Play. When a couple’s parents keep pushing them to marry, they often marry, or when one partner pressures the other one, they often marry…

·        Meet My needs. Many people marry primarily to have their own needs met, rather than to meet the needs of their spouse. These needs may center on self-esteem, sex, emotions, fiancés, or other needs.

·        Crisis Pregnancy. An untold number of couple marries each year because of crisis pregnancy. In some rare situations, this is best, but not in the most cases.

·        After a Breakup. Often people marry soon after a painful ending relationship.

·        Escaping Parents. Some marry because of a bad home life

 

Young Minds and Adults at the Interactive session

                                 IT’S TEMPTATION

    1.  LACK OF ACCEPTANCE: In our country generally, we have this belief that the side of the country and so and so is not what marrying from. Parents are fond of interpreting negative assumptions in the minds of their children. Thereby making the individual not sure of the acceptance of his/her supposed spouse.

2.    MIXED FEELINGS: Its is a natural phenomenon to be scared of the unknown. Most of our young teens and adults has mixed feelings of the family, spouse they are about to come into. It maybe because of language barriers, genders among the siblings, educational grades etc.

3.    FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN: This question of : (a) will I be bullied?(b) Will his/her parent not ill treat me?(c) Are the siblings older than I?(d) what kind of food do they like?(e) what is their strong will?

4.    AGE BARRIERS: Occasionally, some of our spouses are older than us, but the anxiousness of living with him/her is more in our hearts, age is set aside.

5.    DISTRATIONS: Basically it is common to all human beings to have this phase at this period. It is the time you have decided to settle down, you get distractions from left, right, center. You just have to take the bode step.

6.    COMPARISOM SYDROMES: Most teen starts to look at the strength of their pervious failed relationship and their present relationship.

FINALLY, If you really want to follow these steps mentioned above, you must not be desperate.

DESPERATION: Certain things might not be checked due to the spirit of desperation. This leads to lots of hiccups in marriages.